ISIS. Immigration reform. The NSA. Gun control. The end of the two-party system as we know it.

What do all of these terrifying issues for the 2016 election have in common?

None of them matter because we’re all going to die.

Every forecast on climate change predicts severe consequences without dramatic measures. And yet, federal legislators do essentially nothing.

In light of this, I offer myself as a candidate for U.S. Senate.

If elected, I vow to address Global Warming like a human being with basic reasoning and any sense of proportion.

In other words, a dramatic measure.

Please vote for me. If for no other reason, then at least so we don’t all die.