First, this. But after that, this:

To stop climate change, I need power.

I have no power.

Please give me some.

Use the power of voting in a democratic system of government to give me power.

Thank you.


P.S. Wait, is it that in this country you gotta get the money first? Then when you get the money, you get the power? I’ve heard that somewhere. Maybe email me and we can meet in a parking lot with briefcases?

P.P.S. Don’t worry, FEC, I will make sure that all briefcases include the full addresses of the donors, as well as their occupations and employer information, and that said briefcase handlers are not Federal contractors or foreign nationals, are at least 18 years old, and are using their own money.

P.P.P.S. You know, to be honest, I have to admit that it’s kind of insulting that you think I would neglect these aspects of standard briefcase etiquette to begin with.